Another Love Story

What should you know about love?

Nothing more than you might never know what it really means to love someone without any condition…

I conclude that you might imagine that you have some knowledge about the love word, whatever that entitles, whatever it encases within its shell, but I can assure you, I can swear by my accursed name in front of every god on any pantheon that you know absolutely nothing about what that word means.

Love does not mean you belong to someone, neither that you are the owner of no other person. In less than a degree you are at least the owner of yourself, and then with that miserable possession you do as you consider correct. In most of the cases you will give everything to others murdering you in the process, in others you will only take what you want from others leaving a garden of empty corpses just like Lilith in her garden.

But right now I might sound very presumptuous trying to let you know what love is really about, and to be completely honest about it, I might also know nothing of said thing, I, just like the rest of the world, just know what I like myself to imagine I may comprehend  which now that I dare to confront my own head, might be close to a void.

And yet here I am attempting to sound like one of the old poets, taking a metaphorical pencil while my imaginary imperfect self tries to paint like Vincent a godlike creature that no one believes it really exists as a breathing being, yet still I try to polish my sword of ink in order to let whomever wants to reach this words and gift then with some time. And in order to honor that unspoken agreement here I bestow over thee my feeble words on love:

Whatever love might be, is not the face of the gorgeous woman you might fancy, it is not the smile of the blood of your blood while he or she is avoiding reality within a world never before seen… It is not of course the loyalty that your houd shows you neither the wisdom that your ancestors might bestow upon you. Love is not the fresh summer breeze that hit your skin while you sing to the sun in a frenzy of delight...

Love, is your face against the pain of others, it’s what you have to offer when your best man is crying because he has been the victim of treacherous plays of his beloved. Love is those tears you hide from the world because you know that there is someone with a greater pain in front of you that requires a helping hand and no one in sight is at the ready but you it is also the raging face of your anger when injustice strikes against you or your kin, love is the battle cry that rise like thunder on your throat when a deadly war is near against those whom offended you.

Love is the scars that you carry like honor badges against the cold face of the world because a parade of undergraced individuals used you as a ladder to get to different holes from which you could have taken them out but don't because those crude marks they left all over you still remind you that they do not deserve your best.

Love is for you to understand that you are the most important piece on the chessboard that you know as life, that no one is more important than you but the same, and as the same they do deserve your respect and tolerance unless they do you wrong, love is understanding that every single movement you take will become a consequence in the long or short run and due that you need to take it as the person you are not to blame nobody else if you know beforehand that you will be hurting on the morrow.

Because when you understand all that, you might have the faintest idea of what love is, what it entails and what it becomes… You will comprehend that for every piece you give to another without expecting gain, the breeze will be there for you, that every time you show generosity to your kin, your own blood will grow a fine adult, that for every injustice that you fight your ancestors will rest proud because of your developing in the eternal road and that for every roar that fairly leave your chest, a thousand strikes of thunder will accompany it to make it echo within the realm of eternal memory of your beloved ones.

Love is what you offer in life without any expectation, just to learn that you received it without asking increased by the millions.

Even in death

I was a little bit concerned, Rob hasn't come to work in five days and he hasn't called neither reported to the office in order to let us know of any issues within his family,so naturally we went a little bit worried about him. Is not that we have tons of work you see, we work in a funerary agency and he was regularly in charge of the crematory services, and even if we know how to do the job, well… he was the one that usually asked for the task.

    We tried to reach him over his cellphone, I was at the moment with my coworker Adam, but could not reach any connection as it seemed the number was out of service and his house number just ringed eternally and no one picked up which was strange because we knew he was living with his girlfriend. Unfortunately while we were wondering the whereabouts of Rob a police car parked just at the front door and a couple of officers came out and straight to the counter.

-Good day, I am officer Martinez- The most round of them kindly declared -We came in order to confirm if Mr, Robert Paleman worked here- This, as much as a coincides as it was, was very intriguing. Robert has never missed a single day of work, and the first time he does, he gets involved in something… -Yes officer- I pointed quickly offering my hand to him - I am Chris, is there something wrong with Rob?- I quickly identified as the person in charge at the moment, and the officer asked me some questions about the schedule that was followed by Rob activities, in which I had to explain that he was actually the one in turn of the night shift yesterday, and as we did not found him in the morning we got concerned.-Are you sure he was here- The officer asked - Because we have a report filled in over the phone by one of Rob’s neighbours letting us know that he was involved in a domestic violence case but when the officers arrived to his apartment he was nowhere to be found.

-That is very normal- I told the guy - Usually he works night shifts so he spends most of the time here at the office or at the crematory site… And still we did not found him today. - The officer looked at me  with a confused expression in his face, so I hurried up to answer his non verbal question - Well you see officer, as my partner Adam here and I came up today morning about 6 or 6:30 am Robert was nowhere to be found, we tough that it was a joke from his part, but we could not found him at all, so naturally we got worried about him - I figured out his next question, so I decided to anticipate to him - We have not checked the recordings which would be our next step, if you want to stay in order to assist us on the task you are more than welcome- I knew it was better if we cooperated as best as we can, and after that the officer smiled quickly and signed to his companion to get closer. - My colleague here, officer Lidia Hurt will be assisting you in that task, I will go back to the department in order to fill a couple of forms so you can also lend us a copy of your findings- We agreed to the terms and went to the back office accompanied by officer Hurt in order to check the video feed. Our security system is somewhat ancient, so we need to check the feed since the beginning of the month and then fast forward it, it was a pain, but the owner did not wanted to change the freaking system for a brand new one… He is kind of cheap.

After explaining this to officer Hurt, we started searching for the feed of the current month and started playing it, we fast forward it a bit while we saw Rob doping his regular chores, cleaning the isle, verifying the materials, checking for any gas leak or any weird thing that could affect the business. And then we saw something very strange, he started moving a couple of corpses that were received on January the 6th, and instead of preparing them to be cremated, he dressed them up, with some carnival clothes that he took out of a bag and after that, he started recording all of the deed with his cellphone… That has beyond creepy, because we could see him laughing and talking as if he were mounting a macabre theater play. And after about 20 minutes, he stopped, stripped the corpses from their carnival clothes and finished his job. We stared at the screen, dumbfounded, and after a few seconds, officer Hurt broke the silence asking - Is he this weird on a daily basis?- We answered that we did not knew that he did shit like this, -as soon as he gets captured we are going to fire his fucking ass out of here- I claimed. We kept going and, unfortunately for us, similar shows went on and on and on, getting weirder every time. For another corpse, a black male, that came on the 8th he placed a tuxedo and danced around with him, then, with the help of some metal bars, made him stand perfectly still while he practiced some kind of boxing against the corpse and after 30 or 35 minutes, he stopped, and finished his job.

Then I recalled, some days after that, we assisted in a traffic accident, it was bad, and we had a huge service for 5 adults and 12 kids… it was a horrible accident, and surely, just to confirm my fears, he moved all the corpses, and for what we could tell on the soundless recording, he was beaming with joy, I was sickened by this, but then I saw he went away for about 40 minutes and came back with a huge black bag and started drawing out a huge variety of clothes out of it… Very carefully he selected different kinds of clothes for each one of the already broken bodies. It was more than just disturbing watching how carefully he was picking up the clothes, and in some of them even placing some makeup to make them look more… alive.

After his grey crew was ready, he started placing them in chairs and used contraptions to make some of them stand, and when we has finally satisfied with his new creation, he started yelling at some of the cold figures, then snapped and puched others on the fly, minutes before that rage, he was hugging some of the little kids and stabbing others with the crematory utensils, it was a mad festival for him, and when he finally ended that, as a finale he place the bodies on the ground and lay with them for a few minutes after which, he stood up as if nothing have happened,  and started his regular activities within the building. I could not believe that he was as crazy as this, playing with dead corpses, using them as mere marionetes… It was sickening how naturally he could manipulate them, the scenes that he recreated or acted were just a little part of the horrible show that we were watching.

Then, after a couple more of death corpses dancing and being manipulated as puppets by a macabre hand, we came to the day before, the one that we were searching. All seemed quite normal, Rob was just cleaning the crematori as usual, trying to find something to do on a calm night, when we saw him reach for his cellphone, and while the minutes passed we could assume that we were growing mad by the second, and then, he finally snapped, ran out of the crematory and that was the last of him that we saw… 

-That Motherfucker…- Adam started - He has left the place every now and again, without even- I cut him out - It’s not the biggest concern right now man- we fast forwarded the recording again, and according to the timestamp he was out about one hour, and suddenly, he came back, with a girl by his side. -The time matches with the report we had issues - Officer Hurt said in a stern voice. We kept on watching just to discover that the girl by his side was barely moving her feet, and as soon as he made it into the crematory, he left her almost immobile over a dissection table… this was the confirmation that officer Hurt required, that bastard was bringing his victim here, to dispose of the body, this was simply unbelievable… And then… he started with his sick dressup game again, this was beyond insanity, he killed his girl and brought her here to act a bullshit sick play that he created in his mind, this was to much to take.

And sure enough, he took a white wedding dress, some makeup, strings and pieces of metal, and with very pristine time, he had her ready and all dolled up to stand still aside of him, he also dolled himself up, and after some time of stillness, he took her and started dancing around the place, and while officer Hurt was shouting orders at her com, Adam and I screamed in horror, we were watching how the body was moving by herself, slowly, almost robotically, and Robert was trying to run from her grasp, at that instant, officer Hurt came back to the screen we were watching and stared at it in disbelief, the corpse was taking Robert by his neck, then, embraced it and step by step, got closer to the crematory gate, with her seemly powerful gaze, she took him just in one arm and fly open the door to the fire room… what came next was horrifying, she carried him into the room, and then, the only thing we saw was the light and shadows generated by the flame.

We could not believe what we saw, as far as we can, we ran into the crematory room, and even when we were praying for all to be just a huge joke, sure enough, in the fire room, there were the remaining ashes of bodies, a couple of cloth rags on the door, and disturbingly enough, a cell phone, just below the autopsy room...

Amor... Ensayo para un réquiem

El amor, un concepto irremediablemente ambiguo capaz de confundir a las mentes más brillantes y de elevar a las más simples. Pero la realidad es que nadie conoce el concepto real de esta palabra de cuatro letras, principalmente porque nunca hemos recibido en la gran mayoría de los casos ningún tipo real de amor comparado con los demás seres humanos, y esto comienza a tomar forma desde nuestra niñez, al comparar la forma en la que otros padres tratan a sus hijos, ya sea de buena o mala manera, muchas veces como infante solo consideras que tus propios padres no te tratan como deberían y que deberían darte mucho más amor ya sea material o sentimental. Mientras más desarrollamos nuestras capacidades mentales al crecer, más nos dedicamos a atrofiar nuestros sentimientos buscando algo que nos complemente con una necedad inmarcesible, nos afanamos a relaciones llenas de superficialidad,  nos mentimos a nosotros mismos diciendo que nuestros frugales y adolescentes amores durarán para siempre, que nuestra vida se alejara y volverá solo por ellos y que jamás vamos a dar nuestro corazón al dolor inmisericorde del desprecio infernal... Pero cuando la arena de nuestros años medios termina de caer, nos damos cuenta en la gran mayoría de la ocasiones, que solo éramos víctimas de infatuaciones pseudo-infantiles que generalmente terminan por llenarnos de cicatrices, en el mejor de los casos, logramos realmente trascender el enamoramiento lunar y generamos un amor completo, un amor que como un dueto, armoniza de hermosas maneras a cada nueva nota que descubre, cuyos silencios, por muy sepulcrales que lleguen a ser, son necesarios para que la siguiente faceta de la melodía sea aún más impresionante, aún más perfecta, llena de giros, de armónicos y bajos sonetos compuestos por radiantes bemoles llenos de belleza y así muchas de estas sonatas llegan a sus notas finales con dulces tonos bajos, trinando como un fénix rogando que el tiempo se detenga, que lo vea resplandecer a su máximo par más de solo un mero instante que le resulta insignificante a todo el universo, y luego, se funde con las sombras en un silencio final, tan acorde a toda la obra que la audiencia frente al escenario queda estupefacta por unos segundos, tan asombrada de la perfección de la música que han presenciado con todos sus sentidos que les toma un momento poder mover nuevamente sus músculos para aclamar así al dueto.

En otras ocasiones la música creada por el dueto se transforma en una orquesta caótica, un arreglo feroce que no termina de definir absolutamente nada de ambos, y que permite que cualquier intérprete se sume al agigantado caldero de inmisericorde rabia que golpea de manera incesante los instrumentos, haciéndolos gemir de un dolor impotente, mecánico, lleno de ardientes metales disonantes que no hacen más que causar una aversión irregular en la audiencia a la cual le falta tiempo para salir corriendo de las cercanías en las cuales aún son capaces de escuchar el apocalíptico clamor del horrido llanto de los instrumentos, los cuales con sus destrozadas voces llaman a parar semejante tormento mientras oxidadas lágrimas caen como infinitos torrentes al suelo del escenario el cual manchado por la sangre de los intérpretes varios que han intentado apaciguar los movimientos originales, solo contribuyeron  a su fortissimo pináculo de autodestrucción con el cual logran incluso sin así desearlo cual colapso gravitatorio cuya infernal potencia arrasa con todo a su paso, llevándose incluso hasta los escombros del maltrecho escenario para dejar solo una estela de oscuridad impersonal a la cual no se puede mirar de frente por mucho tiempo, pues citando las sabias palabras de Friedrich Nietzsche, este abismo te regresara la mirada con una profundidad llena de odio y una frialdad glacial que será difícil de soportar y peor aún de negar, pues su poder puede llegar a corromper a muchos.

Y existen algunos casos muy especiales, composiciones tan particulares que el solo hecho de disfrutarlos por un segundo nos parece satisfactoriamente doloroso, nos envuelve con sus dulces notas flautendo, delicadas aves flotando sobre un dulce firmamento despejado; viajando sin temor a nada, el amor perfecto con el cual el corazón se hincha de gozo y flota como una delicada pañoleta ondeada por una delicada dama de la audiencia mientras escucha una dulce sinfonía que la hace sonreír, que la hace recordar aquel primer amor brillante de su niñez, ese que la acurrucaba en suave algodón azucarado para después arroparla con la calidez de sus brazos, pero de pronto hay un cambio, tan abrupto e inesperado que ninguno de los espectadores puede creerlo. Frente a sus ojos, uno de los miembros del dueto cae fulminado en la duela del escenario, tratando desesperadamente de aferrarse a su instrumento para arrancarle las últimas notas posibles, dando los últimos golpes al mismo para sonreír por última vez y así despedirse de su acompañante que, continúa tocando, pero la melodía deja de ser dulce, y se torna en un lánguido palpitar de sombras que abrazan los corazones de sus escuchas. Una macabra danza de tristeza que refleja su espíritu desgarrándose, retorciéndose de un agónico dolor que no puede expresar en su totalidad, aun poniendo todo su empeño en ello gritando con toda su alma, destrozando su espiritual voz tratando de alcanzar a su reciente amor perdido, aquel que cual estrella fugaz lo dejo en un instante después de haberse entregado ambos todo lo que tenían y mientras este nuevo solista clama por su acompañante en un solaz momento de agonía, el público llora sin darse cuenta de sus propias lágrimas, se enfocan de lleno en el concertista solitario frente a ellos, lo observan vaciar su alma y desnudar su existencia sin siquiera notar que ellos existen, pues para este nuevo solista el mundo ya no existe, y mientras más empeño pone a su trágica melodía, la sombría danza de la parca invisible se desata a su alrededor, la marmórea bailarina espectral centra su ciclónico movimiento en el que está creando este nuevo waltz de dolor, mientras comienza a verter todo lo que tiene sobre su instrumento, primero su alma comienza a correr seguida por sus lágrimas ennegrecidas por la carencia de más emociones, y cuando estas se terminan, sangre comienza a fluir de su ser. Su existencia fluye a través de las notas como si de un moribundo río se tratasen, y de pronto, todo se acaba, no hay nada más dentro de este vacío caparazón torturado por la tragedia, sin embargo sus manos aún se mueven y continúa tocando, incluso cuando los helados dedos  ya han sido tocados por la parca, aun cuando su último beso fue robado por la pálida dama, su cuerpo aún se niega a abandonar a su acompañante, y así, los espectadores después de darse cuenta de la gran tragedia, se retiran poco a poco, despidiéndose de ambos a lo lejos y dejando una sala de conciertos en la cual solo existe un único ser, que aun después de haber otorgado su último réquiem a la nada, continua distorsionado el silencio con las notas de sus derruidos sentimientos rotos.