Aprender a volar

Hoy tengo ganas de aprender a volar, pues no quiero seguir escuchando tus palabras, quiero levantar mi peso en el aire y alejarme de ti, pues la mayoría de tus acciones nunca coincidieron con tus palabras, todo el cariño que decías tenerme, todo el afecto y el amor, se va derrumbando poco a poco gracias a que a ti te gusta imponer tu voluntad sobre mí, ya que no eres capaz de respetarme ni como hombre, ni como persona, y a veces, ni como un ser vivo, a veces me das a entender que soy para ti solo un ser vegetativo que puede proveerte con lo que necesitas en el momento y en todos los momentos que así lo requieres.

No se cómo es posible que un ser así exista, que alguien solo tome lo que le conviene de una persona dispuesta a darlo todo para que alguien como tu este complacida, y orgullosa, cosa que está de más decir, nunca pasara, ya que jamás es esfuerzo suficiente, logro grande o meta alcanzada lo que te importa, si no que no fuiste tú la persona que lo logro, y es tu deber pisotear a el sujeto de logro ya que así, su victoria no le dará fuerza para dejarle ver el tipo de vampiro psíquico que llegas a ser.

No creo que este realmente bien escribir algo como esto, ya que al final, sé que tú, y todas las personas que son de la misma calaña, son expertos en el arte de olvidar todo el daño que han causado, y se enfocan solo en patéticos remedos de excusas para que los demás crean que su actitud hipócrita y destructiva tiene realmente una justificación, una razón de ser por la cual nadie tiene derecho a juzgar o tachar su conducta como dañina, pero al final, como siempre escribo esto para liberar una pequeña parte de mi alma, esa parte que aun arde con deseos de venganza, la parte realmente obscura de mi ser que desea un pago por todo lo que causaron dentro de mí,  afortunadamente logro controlar esos deseos insanos de vendetta y logro apaciguar mi ser escribiendo este tipo de cosas, para que a las pocas personas a las que les interesa hechas un pequeño vistazo en el interior de todo el caos que llamo alma, puedan saber qué tipo de cosas me han dañado, que me a alegrado el día en los peores momentos, y de qué manera seres como ustedes me han dejado sangrando de muerte en el suelo sin cuidado alguno, sin piedad, y solo esperando a que me recupere para poder obtener más.

Hoy quiero tener alas y levantar el vuelo, para llegar a un lugar en el que criaturas como ustedes jamás lograrían alcanzarme, surcar el cielo lleno de libertad y belleza, tocar las acuosas nubes y poder verlo todo desde arriba, para así convencerme de que la podrida parte del mundo que ustedes representan no es la única, convencerme aún mas de que todo el daño que ustedes causan no es ni remotamente comparable con la hermosura que contiene este mundo, y que aunque sean pocas las personas a las que realmente les importo, ver como esas personas son visibles incluso desde el cielo inmenso, y que la escoria mundana que ustedes representan, tiene tan poca importancia, que no la vería ni aun que estuviera de pie a mi lado.

What a lie can do

And so for today, we came to the permanent division of the road, in which we need to choose between the right path or the easy way, the lie, or the truth, but there are cases like one that not only hits me in this moment but to some people that I appreciate, we are trying to seek the truth, but there are others trying to hide this from every body, taking decisions  for every single person without consulting, and creating chaotic situations for all the members of a team.

So then, they also expect for the whole team to be like little lambs following a dog that lead us in to the unknown, waiting for us to fall behind them, I really feel sad watching how this people think that the others are ignorant to their situation or plans, thinking that they can hide something as big as the sun with a paper sheet, believing that everybody believes in them without questions or doubts…..

Well, I guess this is all that I have to say today, I really do not like to talk about people that lie, or that hide information from other under their own convenience, I think that’s despicable, dishonorable and also lame….. very lame.

Unfairness

Unfairness, the real definition of unfairness is the following: injustice by virtue of not conforming with rules or standards, but how can you determine what is or what is not unfair if the rule or group of rules affect more than one individual just to be fair with one single person, for a little example, if a person is working under a standard, and then the team have to support the work of that person, then the team will be evaluated based on the criteria that is used to evaluate that person, even if they are making it to support the person and to help the company, also, if the task of that person takes more time for the entire team due they are not use to this job, and also, they are working on a goal, taking in count the time that it takes for the people to get to that goal, would be fair to change the rule for the entire team or instead keep on with the regular rule, even if this affects the production of the team and ergo the production of the campaign, which part will be fair to change, which one will be the correct decision, in this case, I think that I am not capable of taking a fair judgment due I will watch for the interest of the majority,  I always think that taking a decision just because you consider it correct it will be always unfair, due you are not taking in count the responsibilities, interests or ways that you can affect the other parts implicated on the decision.

So, pretty much, I’m just trying to take away from me this horrible sense of justice that has been always with me, due may be my justice is not just for all, or may be my way of justice is not convenient for the interests of those who they to make me think in a different way, but in this case I would like to point out a different definition, a totally different word, which applies in every single ambit of the existence, math’s, physics, art,  etc….. KARMA: The total effect of a person's actions and conduct during the successive phases of the person's existence, regarded as determining the person's destiny.

So please be aware of this concept, due is the only one that really accomplish every single aspect of the definition, does not matter which intentions did you have or the purpose per se you will get the total effect of your actions one day, does not matter if the effect will be beneficial, or if it will get you to your annihilation.

A howl for all of you my friends………..

Remember remember the 5th of November

Due today is the 5^th of November, I would like to get a little bit political with this, what it seems to be lie entries of my personal diary, or some way to escape the horrible reality in which me and the ones that I loved are stocked in some way.

I would like to make a point that right now, the situation of this country (Mexico for the people that may read this and do not know me) is being drained by a troop of political vampires that do possess no   moral rules or even a moral education, they do not know any type of rights, respect or selflessness which I may say is essential to a charge like the one the hold. Instead of that we have to stand, and sometimes accept all of the abuse that they are capable of create watching under their own shellfish and empty needs and whims.

Basically, criminals sustaining bigger criminals, which we can say, don’t care about anything else but money to have more power than the one they already have.  The most interesting thing to say, is that the so called revolutionary people just mess with the regular people, they try to change by any mean (or at least by some of the most radical means) to change the mind of people that do not show any interest in the matter, please don’t get this wrong,  I’m not trying to say that this has any importance on our lives, but that the so call change will not occurred if the “revolutionary people” affect the regular people, if you need any example, just turn your head a little bit and watch at all of the marches which purpose is to make the people understand an idea, but the only achievement they have is creating chaos, and disorder due they block principal streets and avenues   of the city so the regular people can not arrive to work in order to earn money to feed themselves or their families, or they create some times unrest situations in the street’s so the government can grant them some attentions, in which case they just achieve to have place themselves on an outlaw picture in which is not only a benefit for the government  , but is lethal for them due people is not going to trust to some one that has a self-created criminal profile.

So based on the information (that is placed under my own perspective) offered here, I really think that first of all, the revolutionary faction must change the plan of action, due affecting the people itself and not the government they are just loosing territory on peoples mind, so they really need a better tactic if they want to really start a change on this situation, also, they need to realize the real power that the so called “enemy” possess, they have an almost unlimited amount of money, the perfect and infallible machine for brainwashing, the ability to block the real information, and the most important and dreaded of all, the power to restrain education at any level, because one of the most if not the biggest advantage that they have is people without education, and not only that, but without the desire for further education in which case there is no idea, no movement and no human, inhuman or divine power on the universe that will change the way of existence of a non-willing person due the apathy is the most dangerous menace for every person, and the most powerful ally for any oppressor, so, even if this is not the real motive, I would like to place down here, the words that inspire me today to write this little text:

La herencia e historia Cherokee

Ultimamente he investigado mas sobre la historia de la raza cherokee a la que pertenesco por sangre de manera lejana, me siento orgulloso de las pocas tradiciones que e podido descobrir y que pienso conservar y pasar a las generaciones que vienen despues de mi, como lo contenido abajo, que llego a mi por una de mis bandas favoritas, y fue una de las primeras ingerencias que tuve de la voz de mis ancestros.....

"Hanhepi iyuho mi ihanbla ohinni yelo

O sunkmanitutankapi hena,
sunkawakanpi watogha hena,

oblaye t'ankapi oihankesni hena

T'at'epi kin asni kiyasni he
akatanhanpi iwankal

Oblaye t'anka kin
osicesni mitakuyepi on

Makoce kin wakan
WakanTanka kin on

Miwicala ohinni - Hanhepi iyuha
kici - Anpetu iyuha kici yelo

Mi yececa hehaka kin yelo, na
ni yececa sunkmanitutankapi

kin ka mikaga wowasaka isom

Uncipi tuweni nitaku keyas ta k'u

Unwakupi e'cela e wiconi
wanji unmakainapi ta yelo

Anpetu waste e wan olowan
le talowan winyan ta yelo

Unwanagi pi lel e nita it'okab o'ta ye

Untapi it'okab o'ta

Na e kte ena on hanska ohakap
ni itansni a'u nita ihanke yelo"
_____________________________________________________________________________

Translation for the poem:
our souls will join against the wild
our home in peace'n
war'n death

wandering on horizon road...

i still dream every night
of them wolves, them
mustangs,
those endless prairies
the restless winds over
mountaintops
the unspoilt frontier of
my kith n'kin
the hallowed land of the
green spirit
i still believe
in every night
in every day
i am like the caribou
and you like the wolves that
make me stronger

we never owed you anything
our only debt is one life
for our mother

it was a good day to chant
this song
for her

our spirit was here long
before you
long before us
and long will it be after your
pride brings you to your end

Asi pues seguire indagando mas en esta sabia y antigua cultura, la cual hasta hoy me a dado ya mucho sin siquiera yo pedir una minima parte.

Tired.....

Today I don’t feel ok, I just opened my eyes in the morning and realized that I'm still broken, that in my heart is standing the uncontrollable pain of countless scars made through time...... and I'm so tired

I have remembered you again my son.... my little Arthur, I feel shame of myself, every single second I think that I have turned my back on you, every minute my soul cries because I can't feel you   in my arms, but I will beg for your forgiveness, I'll bow my head and go in my knees if is necessary for you to understand that I did not want for you to have a broken father, one that you will be ashamed of....... and I'm so tired......

Also I tough of you, the girl that I love, the one that I swore to be forever with, the one that I always told that I will take care of and will protect, the one that hurtled me, the one that broke me when I was still in pieces, the one that said that she will try to fix me....Fer I’m sorry, please forgive me If I have failed you..... But I am tired.... I'm so tired....

For the two best friends that I have, Edward and Blaire, for both of you I would like to ask for your forgiveness, because I feel that I am not worthy of your invaluable friendship, because you are always there for me, when I don’t need you, and when I need you are there even more, It does not matter if you are far away, but now I just realize that I will always need you my dear friends..... And I am so tired.

For all my family, for my mom, that I have hurtled so much trough time, for Pops, forgive me if I have disappointed you in any way, but I still need you, and I miss you every day.......for my brother Hector,  forgive me, please forgive me, I know that sometimes you needed me and I was not there, forgive me for being so selfish, for being an asshole with you, but I would like for you to know that I still love you as my brother, and if you need me I'll be here for you..... But I am so tired......

Today I opened my eyes feeling broken, wishing for everything to end, wishing for people to stop hiding things from me, cause it hurts even more when I realize in their minds, wishing for no one to betray me, no one to hurt me, no one to broke me again....... because I'm tired of it....... I am so tired of it.......